I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
