Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
