ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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