Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
