having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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