Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
