it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
