I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
