I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
