I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
