Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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