I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
