She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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