I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
