I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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