How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
