booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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