Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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