remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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