I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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