i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
