I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
