What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
