last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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