Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
