when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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