i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
