Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
