New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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