I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
