Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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