Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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