You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
