wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
