Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
