return my video game
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
