So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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