i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
