my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
