just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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