I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
