And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pants are for mortals
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
