My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
then he tried to convert me to islam
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
