woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
