Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
