Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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