my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
