Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
