my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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