he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
