she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
