Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
