My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
